We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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