so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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