the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize