Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
