Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
