Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
