i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize