She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
