Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
