why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
