Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
