We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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