What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
