last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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