i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
