do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize