Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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