my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
