Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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