i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
