Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
