i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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