You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
