Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
