I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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