when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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