i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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