First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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