I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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