we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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