he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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