Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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