i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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