I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize