I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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