Me too!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
