Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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