Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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