How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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