I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
