Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
