do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want to make out with him forever
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