I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
