There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
