Yo dont text me then not text me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
