i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
