My first STD was from a foam party
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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