I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
