if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
