using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize