After last night, I could never be a politician.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
