everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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