Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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