ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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