I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
