so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
