She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
