Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
