I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
