Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So. Much. Porn.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
