shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do herpes really smell.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
