If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
