Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
