JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
