Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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