I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
