thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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