how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
