my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
