I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
