i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
