She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
