I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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