i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
