I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
