I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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