he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
