So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
