Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
