i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
