Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
