Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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