I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
