dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
