Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
