ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
