The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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