I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
