I need to stop coming to work sober
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize