sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
