right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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