I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
