Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
