I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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