My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
