The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we made out on top of his cat.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize