At least make sure they are 18
Why
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
