how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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