I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
