I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize