Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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