What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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