They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize