he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
