He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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