Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
