have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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