were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
