Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
