The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
