i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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