good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
