apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
