Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
