Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We are two peas in an std pod
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
