HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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